Suicide Chat Room

Lost All Hope: It’s absolutely infuriating when people say “you have to love yourself before anyone can love you”. I feel so guilty for everything I’ve done, and everything I’ll never do. I hope it doesn’t end like this, with me feeling bad for everything and nothing at the same time. Maybe I am just mad because despite how much time goes by, I’ll never be good enough. I will never be able to hold myself together. There’s no do-over. I have to accept I can’t pick up the parts that are lost forever. Incomplete: Who are we? Who are any of but a reaction to our past experiences. People have different reactions to things based on different past experiences. People don’t understand me because they don’t know what I know and it makes me feel crazy that nobody else understands the things I do. They don’t even try. I always used to ask myself “why me”…  What do you think is the worst thing about yourself?  I used to hate my looks but now I hate the fear and anxiety I have. I hate bein...

 I was on TikTok and a woman said this “ You always think it will never be you, until it is”. So there’s this trend of a woman saying men don’t love women, other women respond saying they don’t believe her. “Disney sells a lie that a hero will come save you” said another woman. I don’t know, some of it makes sense I mean in general I wouldn’t say most men would like me. It’s definitely really difficult being told by the media and society that the only thing that matters is your looks as a woman. I have seen ugly men be comedians, actors, musicians. When a man is fat or ugly that’s not a part of his personality, I noticed with women it always becomes part of you. That’s really weird, but this is why I don’t have a problem with the fact that I’m average looking. I stopped wearing makeup after I moved and a bunch of stuff got “lost”. Whatever. I don’t know, maybe that lady on TikTok right. It doesn’t really matter though, I know that nobody would save me. People haven’t treated me goo...

I think in the most simplistic explanation, most people on Reddit are either complete assholes, political spergs, or addicted to some creepy fetish p*rn.  There’s barely anybody who is just friendly, chill, or honest. I have given my discord to at least 10 people, 1 man, all the rest women, so far only 1 still talks to me. Everyone else was creepy or they make up lies about their situation and want me to be their free therapist (with no compensation) and then unfriend me after they get bored. Anyways this is just something I’m putting out there because Reddit doesn’t receive the backlash it deserves. First off, every community on Reddit for lonely people or friendless people is filled with misogyny. These communities all overlap with the NEET community. They all HATE women with a passion. What is that about anyways? If you aren’t in school and aren’t sure about work and what to do with your life, why does hating women become a main part of your personality? Weirdly enough most of t...

I posted something online recently about my dire situation. Someone responded to me saying that I should talk to someone “normal” rather than someone like myself. LMAO 😂  My response to that is that… I have. Want to know what happened? They wasted my time, lied to me, and therefore made my situation much much worse. So no, no more. I’m fucking done giving grace to “normal” people. Normal people are terrible! And I hate them very much in fact. Why do they lie so much? Seriously what is with that? If you can’t be honest with me just go away, what a waste of time. You don’t even know how to engage in basic communication. I’m not a social butterfly but it’s not that damn difficult to just be honest! Well I guess it is with normal people. So no thanks, I’m done with them. I still fantasize of what my life could be like if I was normal. I can’t find anything or anybody in the giant world who understands. I have been to multiple depression forums and everything in between and there’s a c...

  Cult noun, definition : a relatively small group of people having beliefs or practices, especially relating to religion, that are regarded by others as strange or sinister or as imposing excessive control over members. Wikipedia says this : cults are social groups which have unusual, and often extreme, religious, spiritual, or philosophical beliefs and rituals. Extreme devotion to a particular person, object, or goal is another characteristic often ascribed to cults. The term has different, and sometimes divergent or pejorative, definitions both in popular culture and academia and has been an ongoing source of contention among scholars across several fields of study. The word "cult" is derived from the Latin term  cultus , which means worship. In modern English the term  cult  is generally a pejorative, carrying derogatory connotations. The term is variously applied to abusive or coercive groups of many categories, including gangs, organized crime, and terro...

I just learned a Japanese word recently, burikko. This is connected to Japanese culture and women who act childish for attention from sweaty gross men. I’m not a fan of this stuff at all. I actually hate anime with a passion.  I grew up watching the same things everyone has heard of like Death Note and Soul Eater. They were good, I enjoyed them. But most anime isn’t Death Note you know, it’s more of just… porn. And I don’t enjoy that. Most of Japanese culture is just… that. It’s having no empathy whatsoever for girls. It’s normalizing things that shouldn’t be legal. It’s desensitization. That’s what anime is, and that’s why it’s so popular, it’s filled with propaganda just like porn. There was an anime I remember watching when I was 14 and it was called Elfen Lied and at the time I thought the nudity was a bit much, even more-so now. There was also a reference to cousin relationships, something I didn’t notice when I first watched the show. So this is my issue with anime. Sure the ...

Some people turn to religion in dark moments. But for me, multiple dark moments are what got me to leave.  For context I grew up somewhat religious. One of my family members was a very avid church goer. I believe at one point she literally worked with nuns. Growing up I went to church, i was baptized, I wore a rosary around my neck (I know that’s not how they work. If you don’t know, rosaries are for praying they aren’t necklaces). I stopped believing in god around 11 or 12, but I really wanted to believe, so I kind of struggled with it and went back and forth. I officially realized I was wrong when I was 14, and I was sad about it. SO MANY women will say they feel happy and relieved after leaving religion, and I get it, I really do. But I was one of the few who was deeply saddened by the realization I was duped. I fell for an old lie, a scam, a made up fairytale made by misogynistic men hundreds of years ago. How stupid am I? But that’s not it… I really wanted to believe in it so ...

I woke up last night and my brain reminded me of how long I have been in this bad situation. I hate when that happens. I hate when I’m reminded of my hopeless situation. It’s bad enough being me, being here. But to be reminded of it by my subconscious mind, that’s another stress I don’t want. I am reminded of my regret to stand up for myself, and to advocate for myself and my wellbeing. Why do I feel like I’m so far behind everyone else mentally? Is it really me that’s the problem? Or was it my unique circumstances that brought me here? Why does everybody else receive love and attention even when they are the ones clearly in the wrong? Am I really just meant to never be happy, or loved, or cared about in any way? If that’s the case, as it seems to be, judging by my entire life, then why the hell do I still continue to be nice or compliant with anyone? I don’t think the average person would be me if they were in my situation. But again, all this circles back to me and my cluelessness on...