What keeps you going?

I wish I could say I have a more interesting life.

I don’t have hobbies or activities I enjoy.

My life has been dull and uneventful.

Maybe this is why I hate the holidays.

The weird thing is I’ve always been strangely positive, and hopefully.

I hate it when people say “just take it one day at a time”.

It’s hard for me to come to terms with the fact I’m alone.

The thing is, I’m more similar irl to how I am online. I don’t really lie about things I’ve posted, I know some people exaggerate their experiences but I haven’t. The stuff I’ve talked about is unfortunately the truth. I don’t have anybody to help me out of this situation I’m in. It feels like never ending hell I’m trapped in with no escape. It’s like being in a cave that got buried with rocks that finally caved in.

I always felt like I wasn’t asking for much in life, but as time goes on I get worse and my hope rots away and makes me mentally in a lower place.

I’m pretty good at not letting my emotions affect people around me.

When I was a child I was told “there’s children who have it worse than you, children who have no food, no arms, no legs, etc”.

I acknowledge my situation might be better than some. Telling me how bad others have it doesn’t make me feel better though it makes me feel worse.

I always thought what I wanted in life was quite simple, if I only could have that, a normal life, a good normal life, damn, what I could’ve achieved.

But I’m not lucky, a normal life wasn’t made for me, or maybe it’s me, maybe I’m not made for it.

I used to feel satisfaction with helping others, but slowly that’s been crushed and thrown away.

I ask myself “what keeps you going”. It’s difficult to come to terms with it. I’ve really wanted to disappear but then I told myself I should proper equipment before doing something stupid and scary.

Maybe I just have an inferiority complex.

Side note: Ok so while I was editing this and adding to it the page reloaded and I lost everything so that’s great. Thanks Google.