Suicide Chat Room

So I started this blog because of obvious reasons. No friends, no support system, etc. I’m sorry life has to be this way where some of us can’t get any help. Once you get into a bad place you can’t escape it. Sometime I wonder I wonder if it’s better to live with the delusion of hope that things will get better, or to live with the reality check that life will get worse. I always get ignored and left out in conversations. In the end I am in limbo, and it’s been going on for years and will only continue to get worse. I used to be ready to catch the bus because I believed in the fairy tale of religion. When you go through life without anyone to count on in your darkest moments, it definitely changes you to become worse mentally. I always had bad anxiety when i was a kid. I don’t remember when it started but I remember feeling really alone for the first time at 11. I remember telling myself that things will probably improve in the future. Now I feel like I missed out on some kind of oppor...

Bad thoughts, I feel like there aren’t alternatives. It’s too soon for me to leave. I haven’t experienced much.  I have nobody to speak to. I go online. I lay down for a moment of rest and feel terrible. I wish for the night are to be over.  I suck at everything. Everything I do is wrong, every decision I make or every decision I don’t make it wrong. I don’t want to endure anymore. I want people to understood how I feel. I wish someone wanted to love me like I want to love someone. I wish I wasn’t alone in this life. If I do nothing, it will get worse. If I do something, at least I can say I tried something.  I have wondered if being alone in nature by myself can help take my mind off everything. All the things that have happened to me and the pain I feel. Is it the call of the void? Or something else… It’s difficult to describe the feeling one experiences after failing, it can be difficult to process. What am I waiting for? Sometimes I don’t even know.  I’m feeling ...

Lost All Hope: It’s absolutely infuriating when people say “you have to love yourself before anyone can love you”. I feel so guilty for everything I’ve done, and everything I’ll never do. I hope it doesn’t end like this, with me feeling bad for everything and nothing at the same time. Maybe I am just mad because despite how much time goes by, I’ll never be good enough. I will never be able to hold myself together. There’s no do-over. I have to accept I can’t pick up the parts that are lost forever. Incomplete: Who are we? Who are any of but a reaction to our past experiences. People have different reactions to things based on different past experiences. People don’t understand me because they don’t know what I know and it makes me feel crazy that nobody else understands the things I do. They don’t even try. I always used to ask myself “why me”…  What do you think is the worst thing about yourself?  I used to hate my looks but now I hate the fear and anxiety I have. I hate bein...

 I was on TikTok and a woman said this “ You always think it will never be you, until it is”. So there’s this trend of a woman saying men don’t love women, other women respond saying they don’t believe her. “Disney sells a lie that a hero will come save you” said another woman. I don’t know, some of it makes sense I mean in general I wouldn’t say most men would like me. It’s definitely really difficult being told by the media and society that the only thing that matters is your looks as a woman. I have seen ugly men be comedians, actors, musicians. When a man is fat or ugly that’s not a part of his personality, I noticed with women it always becomes part of you. That’s really weird, but this is why I don’t have a problem with the fact that I’m average looking. I stopped wearing makeup after I moved and a bunch of stuff got “lost”. Whatever. I don’t know, maybe that lady on TikTok right. It doesn’t really matter though, I know that nobody would save me. People haven’t treated me goo...

I think in the most simplistic explanation, most people on Reddit are either complete assholes, political spergs, or addicted to some creepy fetish p*rn.  There’s barely anybody who is just friendly, chill, or honest. I have given my discord to at least 10 people, 1 man, all the rest women, so far only 1 still talks to me. Everyone else was creepy or they make up lies about their situation and want me to be their free therapist (with no compensation) and then unfriend me after they get bored. Anyways this is just something I’m putting out there because Reddit doesn’t receive the backlash it deserves. First off, every community on Reddit for lonely people or friendless people is filled with misogyny. These communities all overlap with the NEET community. They all HATE women with a passion. What is that about anyways? If you aren’t in school and aren’t sure about work and what to do with your life, why does hating women become a main part of your personality? Weirdly enough most of t...

I posted something online recently about my dire situation. Someone responded to me saying that I should talk to someone “normal” rather than someone like myself. LMAO 😂  My response to that is that… I have. Want to know what happened? They wasted my time, lied to me, and therefore made my situation much much worse. So no, no more. I’m fucking done giving grace to “normal” people. Normal people are terrible! And I hate them very much in fact. Why do they lie so much? Seriously what is with that? If you can’t be honest with me just go away, what a waste of time. You don’t even know how to engage in basic communication. I’m not a social butterfly but it’s not that damn difficult to just be honest! Well I guess it is with normal people. So no thanks, I’m done with them. I still fantasize of what my life could be like if I was normal. I can’t find anything or anybody in the giant world who understands. I have been to multiple depression forums and everything in between and there’s a c...