Suicide Chat Room

the worst thing about being in this situation is everyone abandons you.. Even if it’s quiet. Every single creature strives for life in one way or the other. I often wonder if the damage has already done. There’s certain people who deal with pain differently. There’s certain people who can’t deal with pain at all. Then there’s people who don’t even know what it’s like to be happy. When you forget what happiness is, you forget who you are. Being a literal shell. A shell with nothing. It used to be something, but when everyone abandons you, you abandon yourself too because you have been told that who you are isn’t correct. Milestones are non existent to me. I don’t how to do anything, and I feel like a broken person. It makes me angry, I hate me. I wonder if forgetting my past would fix me or if I’d end up in the same place again. I’ve tried so hard to make a community of some kind but it doesn’t work because people I’ve talked with always have friends, and there’s loser me, all alone. Wh...

 Today’s world is just so corrupted and I am tired of this. I often find myself asking what it was I did to end up here. What was it that denied me the chance to live life normally? I lost everyone before I was at my lowest, and now that I have no hobbies or passions, I’m aware my wishes and dreams I once had will never be fulfilled, not even halfway. There are times where I try to do what I can to have a little bit of energy, and I think maybe I can get back what was taken from me, but I can’t. I can never get back that time I lost. I can’t get back the naive way I used to think, that there were good people in this world. That there was someone out there for me. It’s not just that I’ve fallen behind, I was always behind. I was never going to do well because people just don’t care about me. They didn’t care then, they don’t care now, they won’t care in the future. I’m too scared at the lack of options/variables. Sure maybe I struggle to open up about myself. Even behind a screen I ...

I know I can’t turn back… But I wanted to get this out of my mind. My ideal life if I got what I wanted, where I would be. I think about the person I could have been. If I was able to be who I want, if I had the things I want.  Even if I didn’t have everything I wanted. If I had just a friend. The things I could have done. It sounds cringe to say “partners in crime” but I think of someone I would treat as my twin, my mini me. Someone I could go on adventures with. But why does everything I want feel unattainable? Sometimes I feel like I’m in an open air mental asylum or an open air prison. Even if I leave can I ever really leave? There’s terrible people everywhere. It’s not like I can hop on a plane and go live where everyone is nice and friendly and honest. If such a place exists, it’s too expensive for someone like me… and worst of all… I wonder if it’s too late for me. Maybe I just wish people were better. Maybe it’s really that simple, but it also isn’t because humans are compl...

Forgetting: Sometimes i wonder if forgetting my past would fix me, or if i'd end back up in the same place again. I am smiling no more.  Being lonely is one of the things that brought me here. I struggle with just talking to people, nobody will ever choose me and it's because they see what i am, a loser. I thought about making a video about my situation on tiktok but I'm so scared of speaking about it for some reason. It's hard, but it's refreshing to see pretty women dealing with being alone as well. I still feel lesser than them because i don't have friends either. I stopped going out because i hate seeing couples and happy people. Being alone is something i've always experienced, i feel like a failure. And the thing is it hurts because i really would love to have a family but that will never happen, why cant i just accept defeat... For years I've seen posts like this: a picture/video of a guy smiling/laughing with the caption "This father of 3 is...

So I started this blog because of obvious reasons. No friends, no support system, etc. I’m sorry life has to be this way where some of us can’t get any help. Once you get into a bad place you can’t escape it. Sometime I wonder I wonder if it’s better to live with the delusion of hope that things will get better, or to live with the reality check that life will get worse. I always get ignored and left out in conversations. In the end I am in limbo, and it’s been going on for years and will only continue to get worse. I used to be ready to catch the bus because I believed in the fairy tale of religion. When you go through life without anyone to count on in your darkest moments, it definitely changes you to become worse mentally. I always had bad anxiety when i was a kid. I don’t remember when it started but I remember feeling really alone for the first time at 11. I remember telling myself that things will probably improve in the future. Now I feel like I missed out on some kind of oppor...

First, I try to remember the last time I was feeling happy. Oh wait I forget, that was a long time ago. I tried my best but it’s not working. There will be no one to save you no one to save you.         no one to save you. No Prince Charming and no fairy god mother. God is not real. When you are alone, you are really alone. I’m not a winner, I never win. The bad is unending, and people are unhelpful. I have never gotten any good advice, everything is super generic. “It gets better” “just go out and party while you are still young”. Being outnumbered by these kinds of people is so hurtful. It kind of fueled some of my hatred for humanity if I'm being completely honest. It makes me feel like a worse person, to see them cosplaying as me like it’s a fad. I feel justified in hating these people, and I stand by what I say. I have to deal with these people all over the internet cosplaying as "depressed with social anxiety" meanwhile they are posting on social media out at c...

Bad thoughts, I feel like there aren’t alternatives. It’s too soon for me to leave. I haven’t experienced much.  I have nobody to speak to. I go online. I lay down for a moment of rest and feel terrible. I wish for the night are to be over.  I suck at everything. Everything I do is wrong, every decision I make or every decision I don’t make it wrong. I don’t want to endure anymore. I want people to understood how I feel. I wish someone wanted to love me like I want to love someone. I wish I wasn’t alone in this life. If I do nothing, it will get worse. If I do something, at least I can say I tried something.  I have wondered if being alone in nature by myself can help take my mind off everything. All the things that have happened to me and the pain I feel. Is it the call of the void? Or something else… It’s difficult to describe the feeling one experiences after failing, it can be difficult to process. What am I waiting for? Sometimes I don’t even know.  I’m feeling ...

 It seems I have encountered a lot of them. They suck the energy out of everything, energy thieves. You get to the point you only want to sleep. From an early age I had no clear idea how life is supposed to work. My choices were based on fear, anxiety, and confusion. It’s not fun to desire being accepted and failing. I envy normal people. They put in no effort and get everything. That must be really nice. Another thing is religious people, like what even are they on about when they say “God has a plan”. Why can’t I be gullible enough to believe that? That’s really a straight connection to the phrase “ignorance is bliss” which is definitely true. Sometimes I hate knowing what I know. I hate knowing I’ll never be normal. I’ll never have the opportunity to experience love at a young age or a high school sweetheart. I’ll never be able to have serenity and true happiness. But no more, I have to be mature about my situation. Why is this so hard? Whenever I try to think of what I could’ve...