Amnesia all over me

First, I try to remember the last time I was feeling happy.

Oh wait I forget, that was a long time ago.

I tried my best but it’s not working.

There will be no one to save you

no one to save you.         no one to save you.

No Prince Charming and no fairy god mother.

God is not real. When you are alone, you are really alone.

I’m not a winner, I never win.

The bad is unending, and people are unhelpful.

I have never gotten any good advice, everything is super generic.

“It gets better” “just go out and party while you are still young”.

Being outnumbered by these kinds of people is so hurtful.

It kind of fueled some of my hatred for humanity if I'm being completely honest.

It makes me feel like a worse person, to see them cosplaying as me like it’s a fad.

I feel justified in hating these people, and I stand by what I say.

I have to deal with these people all over the internet cosplaying as "depressed with social anxiety" meanwhile they are posting on social media out at clubs and partying with friends every weekend. 

Most people these days who claim to have these things are lying for attention. These people pretending they have no friends, but are out at Vegas partying with friends. 

Meanwhile I have to suffer in silence because my depression isn't "kawaii and relatable". I can't explain how frustrated this has made me. Sometimes I hate forgetting, but some things I wish I could forget.

It all becomes a vague blur. I’m out of place, like my thoughts are walking ahead of me.

I am trying to catch up but it’s a nightmare and I can’t run. I forget what I was doing even while I am doing it. I hope to not be forever p wondering and wandering.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Suicide Chat Room ~ my experience

I think the first time I searched for anything online involving suicide was when I was 11, maybe 12. At the time I thought things would get better… Newsflash, they didn’t. I feel like I didn’t have the start in life I needed, as I was struggling heavily before I was a teenager. Now I’m at the point where I can never have the life I wished for, and all I wished for was a normal life. I wanted to have friends and date. I actually wanted to get married young (which I know is weird to most people). You have to face reality at some point though, and I’m at that point. I’ve tried avoiding it my entire life but I can’t anymore. I thought about ending my life when I was 12, but I didn’t know how. I should start off by saying I’m not very smart, and at this age I was going through my ugly phase, so boys were very mean to me. Actually a lot of kids were. I didn’t experience anything extreme, but I still have nightmares to this day about my childhood school experience. I wish I could get a redo i...
Read more

I feel like the only person in the world who doesn’t like cats

 We have some owls where I live. Unfortunately there aren’t many other birds because my stupid neighbors leave out food for stray cats. This has bad because cats are responsible for wiping out many bird species and this bothers me a lot.  There’s articles about how bad cats are for the environment. Cats are one of the main reasons so many smaller animals in Australia are doing endangered, and people don’t care. Cat owners don’t care about any of this, all they care about is their stupid cat, which they call a “fur baby”.  *barf*
Read more

time and time again (short misanthropy poem)

Cut me off again, this is not a real friend.  You didn’t even follow me back on TikTok. Time and time again, years without friends. Growing up I thought the problem was me. I thought I was weird. I thought I was stupid. I thought there was something wrong with me. I had a feeling I was different. People were mean. I try and have tried, time and time again. My optimism is pretty dead now. This is humanity I guess. Not much to be proud of, and not much to be optimistic about. I try to remind myself that the issue is human nature and that I’m not crazy.  It isn’t all in my head.
Read more