I woke up last night and my brain reminded me of how long I have been in this bad situation. I hate when that happens. I hate when I’m reminded of my hopeless situation. It’s bad enough being me, being here. But to be reminded of it by my subconscious mind, that’s another stress I don’t want.
I am reminded of my regret to stand up for myself, and to advocate for myself and my wellbeing. Why do I feel like I’m so far behind everyone else mentally? Is it really me that’s the problem? Or was it my unique circumstances that brought me here?
Why does everybody else receive love and attention even when they are the ones clearly in the wrong? Am I really just meant to never be happy, or loved, or cared about in any way? If that’s the case, as it seems to be, judging by my entire life, then why the hell do I still continue to be nice or compliant with anyone? I don’t think the average person would be me if they were in my situation. But again, all this circles back to me and my cluelessness on what I’m supposed to do.
This is another one of these days where I’m really wishing I was not me.
I have no aspirations anymore:
“Every second that I am not being my authentic self, I am wasting my damn time” this is something I heard today.
This reminded me of the fact I don’t know who I am, as I don’t have any aspirations anymore.
I have nothing in my life that brings me joy.
This isn’t who I want to be.
This isn’t what I want to be doing.
This has been my entire life.
Therefore, I have never had a life because none of this is the real me.
Sorry:
It’s weird to be alone in the world.
I’m made to feel crazy because I’m alone with my thoughts. It’s difficult knowing you are right about things, but wishing you were wrong.
When it comes to society, I hate living around selfish people who don’t care about anything but themselves. Sorry!
I’ve always been a caring person which has been a part of my downfall, because our culture doesn’t reward good people. As a kid I think I would daydream too much because I was bored or sad.
I always thought I was made to do great things. I used to think I was in a mentally “stunted” place because I haven’t had the same experiences as normal people, but now I’m unsure because normal people online, (mostly millennials) are calling themselves 30 year old children. Cringe
Meanwhile here I am drained of my aspirations because of people crushing me and my soul.
I guess my expectations were too high, of people, and the world. Sorry!
I guess I was stupid for trying to see the positive in the negative.
I’m stressed out, I have too many regrets in my life. I have no time left.
The pain of going to sleep scared of what I could’ve been, who I would’ve been. Sorry
My time could be up in 10 years and I’d have nothing to look back on.
I’m sorry for burdening you
I have no one
I have no one
I guess I deserve it
I have no one
I have no one
False hope is the worst (short poem):
False hope really is the worst.
I cant describe the disappointment.
It’s been 3 years and nothing has gotten better, why am I still here?
I tell people the truth,
they lie,
it’s an endless cycle.
So here’s the truth, it’s never going to get better.
Save this note.
Set your soul free by being a minimalist,
and having nothing to lose.
Because let’s be real,
nobody cares about you,
not even yourself.
Abandon false hope in the same way it abandoned you.
Being alone:
I’m single myself and never dated. I always wished I knew what it was like to be loved. I just assumed it would eventually happen for me but it never did. I’d even be open to dating a woman at this point even though I’m straight. People really don’t get what it’s like to be alone.
I’d reference a quote by Icon for Hire “being alone is only fun in a group but loses its charm when it’s true”
Sometimes I feel like people think I’m a loser on every site I go to. So is it true that it will never happen for me? Am I really so unloveable? I’m not smart, I have no skills, no money. I see women date guys like that, but I have never seen it the other way around, so I don’t think I have any kind of chance.
I don’t expect people to see much worth in me, but I’d like to think I’m worth something. I guess other people just don’t see it.
That’s all, just some current thoughts on being alone I wanted to share.
So many things:
So here I am at 3 in the morning on TikTok. I see this recipe for roasted garlic pasta and it got me thinking.
I will never make this, it looks great but I will never make this. I can’t, I can’t go to the store and buy the special equipment and ingredients because it would cost money I don’t have. I have no aspirations and no desires anymore. So many things exist, sometimes I think about what could’ve done and who I could’ve been.
They never listen, they ruined my life. So now I'll never have a life all because I wasn't one of the lucky ones. I'll never be married, never have kids, never succeed in any career. I’m never pretty enough, smart enough, or good enough, and I never will be.
Some people are loved and adored no matter how terrible they are.
Loneliness is so demotivating because even when I go out and do simple things, I just don’t like it because there’s nobody to share it with. I’m tired of hearing this self centered nonsense about “do it for yourself not others”. I don’t want to do something if it sounds meaningless. When I have mentioned this stuff before online nobody ever understands.
Whether I fail or succeed, it’s all just me. People can exaggerate their problems all they want and cry online for comments and attention. They will never understand the true meaning of loneliness. The feeling of thinking you have a friend, trying to make someone’s day and send them things to make them smile, just to be discarded, because you aren’t allowed to be empty and needing someone to talk to you and build you up, everyone else is and deserves that, but not you, never you.
I’ve gotten emotional before looking at old messages, people I thought liked me because they said they did. People I thought were my friends because they said they related to me.
Funny how none of this means anything to anyone.
Maybe it shouldn’t mean anything to me. Too many times I’ve tried to see the best in people.
Too many times I have looked at old photos or messages from the past and realized none of mattered to anyone. I was just someone who helped others pass their time. I was there to fill empty spaces.
I swear sometimes I wonder if there’s anything that can help me.
I have no one to share my progress with.
Imagine achieving something like money, you would want to share it with someone. You would want to have fun with someone. It’s not like I want to eat the most expensive food and go to fancy places alone.
It’s not like I have a life, I’m just surviving.
I don’t want someone to ask me a stupid question like where do I see myself in 10 years and what are my goals, just expecting me to give stupid generic answers.
I just wish I could enjoy things like a normal person.
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