Re: The rise of Islam / My opinion on religion

Some people turn to religion in dark moments. But for me, multiple dark moments are what got me to leave. 

For context I grew up somewhat religious. One of my family members was a very avid church goer. I believe at one point she literally worked with nuns. Growing up I went to church, i was baptized, I wore a rosary around my neck (I know that’s not how they work. If you don’t know, rosaries are for praying they aren’t necklaces). I stopped believing in god around 11 or 12, but I really wanted to believe, so I kind of struggled with it and went back and forth. I officially realized I was wrong when I was 14, and I was sad about it. SO MANY women will say they feel happy and relieved after leaving religion, and I get it, I really do. But I was one of the few who was deeply saddened by the realization I was duped. I fell for an old lie, a scam, a made up fairytale made by misogynistic men hundreds of years ago. How stupid am I? But that’s not it…

I really wanted to believe in it so badly. I wanted to believe there was a deeper purpose to this life. I’m posting this for a few reasons, I was scrolling on TikTok a few weeks ago and an atheist ex Christian woman was live-streaming and showed up on my for you page. I went into her stream and asked her a question in the chat, my question was if she was sad at all leaving religion. She answered it and basically said no. I don’t mean to ever talk over people and their experiences. This woman had explained in the stream that her boyfriend was abusive and the church counselor would open up the Bible and read verses to her, basically doing nothing.

So, this is a legitimate reason to be happy after leaving religion. But this is where I have a different experience. I didn’t feel happy when I realized I was wrong. I was extremely sad knowing I had no purpose, I wouldn’t receive any reward for my kindness, and I wouldn't find a light at the end of the tunnel. Some people turn to religion in dark moments. But for me, multiple dark moments are what got me to leave. I had to really fight to try and brainwash myself, because reality was too hard for me to deal with. I wanted to do terrible things to myself, I was so angry and nobody around me seemed to care. I remember I would constantly whine to my mom asking for her to transfer me to a different school, I’d ask her if we could move someplace better, nothing. I was always miserable. I always hated school. I was constantly sad and feeling empty and alone. I didn’t have anybody who cared or noticed, that’s just how it was.

Now looking back, I wish I was never raised religious. I think about how different my life would’ve been. I wouldn’t have been so delusional. I’ll tell you a weird story, I was at a distant relatives house for about a week or two. Him and his wife lived near a forest with a huge trial. Everyone was angry for some reason, I don’t remember why, but since I was the youngest person there, everyone used me as the emotional dumping ground. Let me paint the picture, slamming car doors, no WiFi or computer, everyone being rude and giving me attitude constantly, like every few sentences resulted in someone getting mad. I basically had nobody to talk to because everyone was bitchy, and then I was sad because there was no way of going online and chatting with people that way. We also had no neighbors because it was a rural area so there wasn’t anywhere to walk to. No park or anything like that for a long distance. I cried on the couch because my mom yelled at me for no reason. Then my distant relative (not blood related) entered the house and walked right over to the couch and yelled at me while I had my head down. I was really upset by this because I never liked people seeing me crying. After she left, I waiting a few minutes and then immediately walked out the door as fast as I could. I went towards the forest trail and was walking for a while, enjoying nature. I looked all around me and eventually it was just the long trail behind me, and the long trial in front. I have to explain what the forest looked like before I reach the next part, the trees weren’t super close, so if you had 20/20 vision you could see extremely far, like if someone was 3 parking lots away, you could see that person. 

🌸ꗥ～ꗥ🌸 𝐒𝐨 𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐰𝐞𝐢𝐫𝐝 𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐞𝐧𝐞𝐝… 𝐈 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐝 𝐚 𝐛𝐞𝐚𝐫 𝐫𝐨𝐚𝐫. 𝐓𝐡𝐚𝐭’𝐬 𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐜𝐚𝐧’𝐭 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐢𝐠𝐧𝐨𝐫𝐞. 𝐈 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐬𝐥𝐨𝐰 𝐦𝐲 𝐰𝐚𝐥𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐛𝐞𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐈 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐳𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐧𝐨 𝐛𝐞𝐚𝐫 𝐚𝐧𝐲𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐈 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐬𝐞𝐞 𝐢𝐧 𝐟𝐫𝐨𝐧𝐭 𝐨𝐟 𝐦𝐞 𝐨𝐫 𝐭𝐨 𝐦𝐲 𝐬𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐬. 𝐈 𝐠𝐨𝐭 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐬𝐜𝐚𝐫𝐞𝐝 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐈 𝐠𝐨𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐢𝐧 𝐦𝐲 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 “𝐨𝐡 𝐧𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐛𝐞𝐚𝐫 𝐢𝐬 𝐛𝐞𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐝 𝐦𝐞 𝐢𝐬𝐧’𝐭 𝐢𝐭”. 𝐈 𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐩𝐩𝐞𝐝 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐰𝐨𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐝 𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐈 𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐝𝐨. 𝐈 𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐦𝐚𝐲𝐛𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐛𝐞𝐚𝐫 𝐦𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐚𝐭𝐭𝐚𝐜𝐤 𝐦𝐞 𝐢𝐟 𝐈 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐝𝐨 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠. 𝐈 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐬𝐜𝐚𝐫𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐡𝐨𝐰 𝐥𝐚𝐫𝐠𝐞 𝐢𝐭 𝐦𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐛𝐞, 𝐈 𝐡𝐚𝐝 𝐧𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐬𝐞𝐞𝐧 𝐚 𝐛𝐞𝐚𝐫 𝐛𝐞𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐞. 𝐈 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐤 𝐈 𝐜𝐥𝐨𝐬𝐞𝐝 𝐦𝐲 𝐞𝐲𝐞𝐬 𝐰𝐡𝐢𝐥𝐞 𝐈 𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐧𝐞𝐝 𝐚𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐝 𝐛𝐞𝐜𝐚𝐮𝐬𝐞 𝐈 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐚𝐬𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐢𝐭 𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐛𝐞 𝐚 𝐛𝐞𝐚𝐫 𝐥𝐚𝐫𝐠𝐞𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐧 𝐦𝐲 𝐛𝐨𝐝𝐲. 𝐁𝐮𝐭 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐈 𝐨𝐩𝐞𝐧𝐞𝐝 𝐦𝐲 𝐞𝐲𝐞𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞. 𝐈 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐟𝐮𝐬𝐞𝐝 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐟𝐫𝐚𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐜𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐥𝐨𝐨𝐤𝐞𝐝 𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐤, 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐬 𝐚𝐠𝐚𝐢𝐧. 𝐈 𝐝𝐢𝐝 𝐚 𝐟𝐮𝐥𝐥 𝟑𝟔𝟎 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐨𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐟𝐮𝐬𝐞𝐝. 𝐈 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐮𝐞𝐝 𝐰𝐚𝐥𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐰𝐡𝐢𝐥𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠 “𝐰𝐨𝐰 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐰𝐞𝐢𝐫𝐝”. 𝐓𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐈 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐫𝐬𝐭𝐲. 𝐓𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐢𝐬 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐈 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐳𝐞𝐝 𝐢 𝐝𝐢𝐝𝐧’𝐭 𝐛𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚𝐧𝐲𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐦𝐞. 𝐈 𝐰𝐨𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐝 𝐰𝐡𝐲 𝐈 𝐝𝐢𝐝𝐧’𝐭 𝐛𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚𝐧𝐲 𝐰𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐫, 𝐈 𝐠𝐮𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐈 𝐚𝐬𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐞𝐝 𝐢𝐭 𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝𝐧’𝐭 𝐭𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐦𝐞 𝐬𝐨 𝐥𝐨𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐨 𝐠𝐞𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐈 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐛𝐞. 𝐅𝐮𝐫𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐝𝐨𝐰𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐭𝐫𝐢𝐚𝐥 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐚 𝐬𝐦𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐬𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚𝐫𝐞𝐚, 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐈 𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐠𝐨𝐭 𝐡𝐨𝐰 𝐟𝐚𝐫 𝐢𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐬. 𝐈 𝐡𝐚𝐝 𝐨𝐧𝐥𝐲 𝐛𝐞𝐞𝐧 𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐟𝐚𝐫 𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞. 𝐒𝐨 𝐈 𝐤𝐞𝐩𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐥𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠, 𝐟𝐢𝐧𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐈 𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐦𝐲𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟 𝐢𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐰𝐚𝐲 𝐭𝐨𝐨 𝐥𝐨𝐧𝐠 𝐛𝐞𝐜𝐚𝐮𝐬𝐞 𝐛𝐲 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞 𝐈 𝐠𝐨𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐈’𝐝 𝐛𝐞 𝐰𝐚𝐲 𝐭𝐨𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐫𝐬𝐭𝐲 𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐩𝐨𝐢𝐧𝐭 𝐢𝐭 𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐛𝐞 𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐮𝐢𝐧𝐞𝐥𝐲 𝐮𝐧𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐭𝐚𝐛𝐥𝐞. 𝐈 𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐧𝐞𝐝 𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐤 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐦𝐚𝐲𝐛𝐞 𝐈’𝐝 𝐟𝐢𝐧𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐬𝐞𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐛𝐞𝐚𝐫 𝐛𝐞𝐜𝐚𝐮𝐬𝐞 𝐦𝐚𝐲𝐛𝐞 𝐢𝐭 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐫𝐚𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐲 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭’𝐬 𝐰𝐡𝐲 𝐈 𝐝𝐢𝐝𝐧’𝐭 𝐬𝐞𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐲𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠. 𝐁𝐮𝐭 𝐧𝐨, 𝐈 𝐥𝐞𝐟𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐭𝐫𝐢𝐚𝐥 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐧𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐬𝐚𝐰 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐝𝐚𝐦𝐧 𝐛𝐞𝐚𝐫. 𝐈 𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐢𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐰𝐞𝐢𝐫𝐝 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐛𝐞𝐜𝐚𝐮𝐬𝐞 𝐚𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞 𝐈 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐫𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐠𝐢𝐨𝐮𝐬, 𝐈 𝐟𝐢𝐠𝐮𝐫𝐞𝐝 𝐢𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐚 “𝐬𝐢𝐠𝐧” 𝐟𝐫𝐨𝐦 𝐠𝐨𝐝. 𝐈 𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐛𝐞𝐚𝐫 𝐬𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐝 𝐟𝐨𝐥𝐥𝐨𝐰𝐞𝐝 𝐛𝐲 𝐦𝐞 𝐛𝐞𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐫𝐬𝐭𝐲 𝐦𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐛𝐞𝐞𝐧 𝐚 𝐬𝐢𝐠𝐧 𝐠𝐨𝐝 𝐝𝐢𝐝𝐧’𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭 𝐦𝐞 𝐰𝐚𝐥𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐝𝐨𝐰𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐢𝐥. 𝐓𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐦𝐲 𝐛𝐫𝐚𝐢𝐧 𝐨𝐧 𝐫𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐠𝐢𝐨𝐧. 𝐍𝐨𝐰… 𝐥𝐨𝐨𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐤 𝐢𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐚 𝐰𝐞𝐢𝐫𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐈 𝐞𝐱𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞𝐝. 🌸ꗥ～ꗥ🌸

Now that I’m out of that mindset, possibly it was a sign from the universe. So now going back to the title and why I made this post about religion. If you aren’t living under a rock in the middle of nowhere, you have heard of the manosphere, the Tate brothers, the Fresh and Fit podcast, redpill parasites, etc. Those guys are usually either Muslim or Christian. All of them have a weird obsession with hanging out with strippers and women who sell their bodies for men. I have noticed an uptick in white Christians showing an interest in becoming Muslim. I’ve seen it in YouTube recommendations, TikTok videos, and posts on Elons Twitter. As a woman who likes the fact I wasn’t sold off as a bride when I was 10, this concerns me greatly. If it’s not creepy deepfakes and ai ruining my mood and view of humanity, it is religion. I hate it, sorry, I really do. I can’t stand religious people. I haven’t generally had a good experience with them, but it’s not about me. The harm religion does, the delusions it gives people, this even affected me. I legitimately thought every coincidence was a “sign”. I mentioned the one only good time in the paragraph above because every other time it was ridiculous and you’d think I was crazy if I told you what they were. But anyways, i hope made sense. I’m listening to music as i type this out so i might have to re-edit this later. I can’t help it but take a break and jam out when iconic emo songs like Mr.Brightside play on my speaker. I’m loyal to the culture ok. I will make my next post about something else I feel deeply about besides atheism because I just keep seeing this shit that pisses me off SOOO MUCH and I just need to vent and let it out.